Blog No. 6 of 17 (or thereabouts)
London is awash with opportunities to humiliate yourself publicly in an exercising stylee. From one-to-ones with a pert personal trainer to circuit training en masse, no open space is complete without herds of frightened red and blue tabarded partakers in ‘military’ exercise classes http://www.britmilfit.com/ For a fee, sadistic ex-army geeks force you facedown in the mud and scream at your blubbery blubbering form while you snivel into the sod … they should be paying me, not the other way round. If I want abuse, no need to go outdoors, I’ll just post something derogatory about cats on Facebook.
Then there are the groups of yummy mummies in their expensive tracksuits, vying for pole position in a mass jog with infants in showy, designer baby buggies. All these exercise classes are highly entertaining for the casual stroller, but there are two forms of public exercise which take the comedy biscuit. The first involves mature ladies in pastel fleeces and walking gear striding out with walking poles - on the flat. They look bloody ridiculous. But they come a poor second in the amusement stakes compared to the paired horizontal bungee nuts. Person number one has a harness with a biiiiiig elastic loop attached to it - they have to stand their ground while person number two runs away from them while hooked in the rubber rope ... it must be some kind of resistance training. Yeah, I'm resistant already, thanks.
London is awash with opportunities to humiliate yourself publicly in an exercising stylee. From one-to-ones with a pert personal trainer to circuit training en masse, no open space is complete without herds of frightened red and blue tabarded partakers in ‘military’ exercise classes http://www.britmilfit.com/ For a fee, sadistic ex-army geeks force you facedown in the mud and scream at your blubbery blubbering form while you snivel into the sod … they should be paying me, not the other way round. If I want abuse, no need to go outdoors, I’ll just post something derogatory about cats on Facebook.
Then there are the groups of yummy mummies in their expensive tracksuits, vying for pole position in a mass jog with infants in showy, designer baby buggies. All these exercise classes are highly entertaining for the casual stroller, but there are two forms of public exercise which take the comedy biscuit. The first involves mature ladies in pastel fleeces and walking gear striding out with walking poles - on the flat. They look bloody ridiculous. But they come a poor second in the amusement stakes compared to the paired horizontal bungee nuts. Person number one has a harness with a biiiiiig elastic loop attached to it - they have to stand their ground while person number two runs away from them while hooked in the rubber rope ... it must be some kind of resistance training. Yeah, I'm resistant already, thanks.
I took up kettlebells a couple of years ago, they’re sort of big, Russian metal lumps you swing around a bit until you hear a tearing sound from your muscles and get a taxi to A&E. The Common near me has a council-provided ‘trim trail’, with wooden sticky-out things to exercise on over a bed of bark-chippings … naturally all the local dogs think these are just fancy lamp-posts … no, the pooch-piddle assault course is not for me.
To be fair, with two dogs, I do tend to plod about a bit a few times a day, so I am getting some sort of exercise, but I’m a sociable sod, and easily distracted by the myriad weirdos and their mutts keen to share personal ailments or complain about the council’s strimming policies.
To be fair, with two dogs, I do tend to plod about a bit a few times a day, so I am getting some sort of exercise, but I’m a sociable sod, and easily distracted by the myriad weirdos and their mutts keen to share personal ailments or complain about the council’s strimming policies.
All I want is to increase my stamina a bit. Just so I'm not a nuisance when I steer smoothly into the slipstream of Steven the UniCyclist as he undertakes the 55-miles from Milton Keynes to London, a mere pinprick in his intended 20,000+ miles for UniCycle50 http://www.unicycle50.com/ - you can come too, you know - he assures me we're going to be going terribly slowly, and my participation offers a cast-iron guarantee ... join us ...
http://www.facebook.com/?ref=hp#!/event.php?eid=174564295907447
http://www.facebook.com/?ref=hp#!/event.php?eid=174564295907447
No comments:
Post a Comment